.jpg)
Saturday, April 25, 2015
Monday, October 6, 2014
Monday, July 7, 2014
Imago at The NY Open Center
IMAGO: a Pathway to Conscious Relationships
presented by Christine Petrik, LCSW
at: The NY Open Center
22 East 30th Street
New York, NY 10016
New York, NY 10016
November 6, 13, 20th 6:00-7:45pm
REGISTER NOW
http://www.opencenter.org/events/imago-a-pathway-to-conscious-relationships/
Thursday, March 27, 2014
IMAGO as a Practice
Community Event at One Spirit Interfaith Learning Alliance
IMAGO as a Practice for 'Relationship' as a Spiritual Path
presented by: Christine Petrik, LCSW
****************
Tuesday, June 24, 2014 7:00-9:00pm (doors open 6:30)
Location: One Spirit Learning Alliance
247 West 36th Street, 6th Fl
New York NY 10018
212.931.6840
Admission is free - donation suggested Advanced Registration Requested
For More Information & to Register:
Saturday, December 31, 2011
A Resolution-less List for the New Year
It's that time of the year when I hear folks talking about their New Year's Resolutions and the lists they plan to make of all the things they want to accomplish in the coming year, as well as the unfulfilled resolutions from the past year. I admit it, I too like making lists. I have my Shopping lists, weekly To-Do lists, the bigger Project lists, and of course my annual New Year’s Resolution List – which is more of a Yearly Goals list.
Many of those lists are extremely helpful in keeping my life organized and running smoothly. For example, my grocery list - lets face it, even when I take the list to the store chances are I still might forget something. Although not a perfect system, I’m certain it has saved me many trips back to the market. No, I have no intention of giving up that list.
Admittedly other lists of mine might just make me feel as if I’m organized but actually do very little to keep life efficiently progressing forward. I’ve certainly learned there is a huge difference between creating a list and actually getting those things done.
To be clear, I’m all in favor of good Goal Setting practices. When people set their aspirations down on paper, take the time to create a realistic structured plan on how to achieve them, and then actually put that plan into action – triumph usually follows. There are thousands of Goal Setting workshops and resources available – many of them very effective. But, whether it is a resolution to stop biting your nails, or the intention to be promoted to a specific job by the end of the year, it’s easy to fall into the trap of viewing our success as a person by whether or not we’ve reached our target by a given set of time.
Creating a New Year’s Resolution List and then falling short of meeting those goals may inadvertently cause a negative rebound. The danger of measuring our accomplishments in life by yearly increments, or other set markers of time, can actually make us feel worse about ourselves and what we’re capable of achieving. Without being aware of it, these manufactured time constraints become interpreted in our own mind as “the standard” for what and when we are supposed to have progressed to a particular place or status. Determining our value by whether or not we’ve reached a set of objectives based on another’s time table is a grave mistake that corrodes our life-force.
One more thing on this topic, it’s also important to be aware of the potential toward escapism. All this emphasis on what we resolve to do or not do by the end of next year may just be fueling our desire to escape the present. There are numerous pitfalls in doing that. For now I’ll just mention one; we forget to enjoy what we do have, now.
So instead of creating a similar style “goals to achieve” for the coming year, and then feeling badly next Dec 31st when I’ve barely stabbed at goal number 5) practice my French Lessons weekly, I think I’ll sit this year’s list making task aside and resolve to be a bit more resolutionless. Dare I say, I resolve to practice being more present with where I am right now.
Until next time, Bonne Annee!
Many of those lists are extremely helpful in keeping my life organized and running smoothly. For example, my grocery list - lets face it, even when I take the list to the store chances are I still might forget something. Although not a perfect system, I’m certain it has saved me many trips back to the market. No, I have no intention of giving up that list.
Admittedly other lists of mine might just make me feel as if I’m organized but actually do very little to keep life efficiently progressing forward. I’ve certainly learned there is a huge difference between creating a list and actually getting those things done.
To be clear, I’m all in favor of good Goal Setting practices. When people set their aspirations down on paper, take the time to create a realistic structured plan on how to achieve them, and then actually put that plan into action – triumph usually follows. There are thousands of Goal Setting workshops and resources available – many of them very effective. But, whether it is a resolution to stop biting your nails, or the intention to be promoted to a specific job by the end of the year, it’s easy to fall into the trap of viewing our success as a person by whether or not we’ve reached our target by a given set of time.
Creating a New Year’s Resolution List and then falling short of meeting those goals may inadvertently cause a negative rebound. The danger of measuring our accomplishments in life by yearly increments, or other set markers of time, can actually make us feel worse about ourselves and what we’re capable of achieving. Without being aware of it, these manufactured time constraints become interpreted in our own mind as “the standard” for what and when we are supposed to have progressed to a particular place or status. Determining our value by whether or not we’ve reached a set of objectives based on another’s time table is a grave mistake that corrodes our life-force.
One more thing on this topic, it’s also important to be aware of the potential toward escapism. All this emphasis on what we resolve to do or not do by the end of next year may just be fueling our desire to escape the present. There are numerous pitfalls in doing that. For now I’ll just mention one; we forget to enjoy what we do have, now.
So instead of creating a similar style “goals to achieve” for the coming year, and then feeling badly next Dec 31st when I’ve barely stabbed at goal number 5) practice my French Lessons weekly, I think I’ll sit this year’s list making task aside and resolve to be a bit more resolutionless. Dare I say, I resolve to practice being more present with where I am right now.
Until next time, Bonne Annee!
Monday, September 26, 2011
Love Hurts!
I recently went to see a wonderful production of the play The Woolgatherer by William Mastrosimone at The Cape May Stage. It’s a powerful and evocative story about two unlikely people who come together, looking for “love.”
One of the most striking things about the characters was how they were both simultaneously, in their own way, desperately desiring and yet also fiercely rejecting connection. As I witnessed their attempt at the dance of courtship, their individual wounds around relationship painfully unraveled. The play beautifully demonstrated how sometimes the anticipation of attaining love can evoke some very strong resistance.
The need for a safe loving relationship, and the simultaneous push against it’s happening, is a phenomenon I often see in my practice with couples. It is also one of the most common experiences that keep single people from entering into intimate relationships to begin with. The intensity around this dynamic is sometimes very powerful and loud, other times subtle and quiet – but nonetheless present. Our deepest desire for true love all too often collides with our fear of the pain we may experience when attaining it.
So, how does one break through this destructive pattern and allow real connection to occur? Thankfully, due to some of the amazing new brain research that is being done we now have more evidence than ever that these patters can be successfully addressed. By understanding when and how our brains become triggered into that flight or fight response we can apply supportive and behavioral techniques that can interrupt negative patterns. With careful work, people can learn to create a safe and nurturing environment for themselves and their partners. Imago therapy is one approach that has shown to have significant impact in helping couples resolve conflict and restore healthy intimate connection.
As with so many self-imposed obstacles, a clear and sober understanding is key. It’s important to also stress; two essential qualities necessary for healing are patience and compassion, for yourself and your partner.
As Harville Hendrix, PhD has said, “We are wounded in relationship; therefore, we must heal in relationship.”
One of the most striking things about the characters was how they were both simultaneously, in their own way, desperately desiring and yet also fiercely rejecting connection. As I witnessed their attempt at the dance of courtship, their individual wounds around relationship painfully unraveled. The play beautifully demonstrated how sometimes the anticipation of attaining love can evoke some very strong resistance.
The need for a safe loving relationship, and the simultaneous push against it’s happening, is a phenomenon I often see in my practice with couples. It is also one of the most common experiences that keep single people from entering into intimate relationships to begin with. The intensity around this dynamic is sometimes very powerful and loud, other times subtle and quiet – but nonetheless present. Our deepest desire for true love all too often collides with our fear of the pain we may experience when attaining it.
So, how does one break through this destructive pattern and allow real connection to occur? Thankfully, due to some of the amazing new brain research that is being done we now have more evidence than ever that these patters can be successfully addressed. By understanding when and how our brains become triggered into that flight or fight response we can apply supportive and behavioral techniques that can interrupt negative patterns. With careful work, people can learn to create a safe and nurturing environment for themselves and their partners. Imago therapy is one approach that has shown to have significant impact in helping couples resolve conflict and restore healthy intimate connection.
As with so many self-imposed obstacles, a clear and sober understanding is key. It’s important to also stress; two essential qualities necessary for healing are patience and compassion, for yourself and your partner.
As Harville Hendrix, PhD has said, “We are wounded in relationship; therefore, we must heal in relationship.”
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
What to do before “I do”
It’s the official start of summer, but here in Cape May we are actually winding down from another important season – wedding season. Cape May consistently ranks as one of the most popular wedding destinations in the US. I have no doubt it will rank at least 3rd again this year. Over 400 couples come to Cape May to marry every year, most in the months of May & June. It’s easy to see why. It’s beautiful here.
As I witness so many lovely newlyweds making their way to/from the beach or B&B on the day of their nuptials, I can’t help but wonder and hope…...have they done their preparation? Of course no couple ever knows what life has in store for them, but there are several practical and essential things they can and should do before they say “I do.”
What “should” they do? Talk, Communicate, Converse! Make the time to actually sit down and ask each other some important questions, and honestly answer them too. So, here is my little abbreviated check list of the things to sit down and discuss, not assume, not briefly mention, but really discuss with your partner:
WORK – What are your professional goals? How much time do you devote to your job? How do you feel about each other’s work? What about retirement?
HOME – Where do you want to live, and for how long? What style of living do you like? How will you share in the household chores?
FINANCES – How do you spend your money and on what? How much do you like to save? Who keeps the household books? Will you have joint or separate accounts, or both? What are your financial goals?
INTIMACY/SEX – How often do you prefer to make love? How is the quality of your intimacy? Are you comfortable with affection? How about publicly?
CHILDREN/FAMILY/FRIENDS – Do you want to have children? If so, how many? Do you want to adopt? What values and beliefs do you want to raise your children with? How will you share in the child-rearing duties? In what ways and to what extent will your families be involved in your lives? What about aging parents? How to you like to socialize? How do you feel about each other’s friends?
SPIRITUALITY– Do you observe the same faith or share the same practice, if any? Are certain holidays important for you to observe, and how? What about rituals around death and birth?
I hope it’s obvious I’m not advocating this task be tackled all in one sitting. It is also important here that I STRESS another point….…. Just because you and your partner may not be 100% in agreement with all of each other’s visions, values, and desires – most couples aren’t – this does not mean you are necessarily with the wrong person. What it does mean is that you are now much better informed.
If there are areas of disagreement or discord that seem crucial – they will require more attention and time to sort through. Perhaps seeking a good Couple’s Therapist to help you navigate this process would be wise. Naturally, I believe most couples would benefit from some premarital counseling – but I’ll leave that alone for now.
In future blog posts I’m sure I will delve in to more depth about one or more of the topics I recommend be addressed, but for now…this is a good a start!
How true the old adage……..a wedding does not a marriage make. So, after the ceremony, after the reception party, and after the honeymoon, the real marriage begins. If this will soon be you, or you’ve already taken the plunge, I wish you well and the gift of doing the work!
Christine Petrik, LCSW
http//:www.ChristinePetrik.com
"The beginning of love is to let those we love be perfectly themselves and not to twist them to fit our own image." - Thomas Merton
As I witness so many lovely newlyweds making their way to/from the beach or B&B on the day of their nuptials, I can’t help but wonder and hope…...have they done their preparation? Of course no couple ever knows what life has in store for them, but there are several practical and essential things they can and should do before they say “I do.”
What “should” they do? Talk, Communicate, Converse! Make the time to actually sit down and ask each other some important questions, and honestly answer them too. So, here is my little abbreviated check list of the things to sit down and discuss, not assume, not briefly mention, but really discuss with your partner:
WORK – What are your professional goals? How much time do you devote to your job? How do you feel about each other’s work? What about retirement?
HOME – Where do you want to live, and for how long? What style of living do you like? How will you share in the household chores?
FINANCES – How do you spend your money and on what? How much do you like to save? Who keeps the household books? Will you have joint or separate accounts, or both? What are your financial goals?
INTIMACY/SEX – How often do you prefer to make love? How is the quality of your intimacy? Are you comfortable with affection? How about publicly?
CHILDREN/FAMILY/FRIENDS – Do you want to have children? If so, how many? Do you want to adopt? What values and beliefs do you want to raise your children with? How will you share in the child-rearing duties? In what ways and to what extent will your families be involved in your lives? What about aging parents? How to you like to socialize? How do you feel about each other’s friends?
SPIRITUALITY– Do you observe the same faith or share the same practice, if any? Are certain holidays important for you to observe, and how? What about rituals around death and birth?
I hope it’s obvious I’m not advocating this task be tackled all in one sitting. It is also important here that I STRESS another point….…. Just because you and your partner may not be 100% in agreement with all of each other’s visions, values, and desires – most couples aren’t – this does not mean you are necessarily with the wrong person. What it does mean is that you are now much better informed.
If there are areas of disagreement or discord that seem crucial – they will require more attention and time to sort through. Perhaps seeking a good Couple’s Therapist to help you navigate this process would be wise. Naturally, I believe most couples would benefit from some premarital counseling – but I’ll leave that alone for now.
In future blog posts I’m sure I will delve in to more depth about one or more of the topics I recommend be addressed, but for now…this is a good a start!
How true the old adage……..a wedding does not a marriage make. So, after the ceremony, after the reception party, and after the honeymoon, the real marriage begins. If this will soon be you, or you’ve already taken the plunge, I wish you well and the gift of doing the work!
Christine Petrik, LCSW
http//:www.ChristinePetrik.com
"The beginning of love is to let those we love be perfectly themselves and not to twist them to fit our own image." - Thomas Merton
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)